


Coming Together

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Episode Related, Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-05-05
Updated: 2004-05-05
Packaged: 2018-12-27 08:56:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12077805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian and Justinâ€™s thoughts as the days progress. Basically this is a commentary of the second episode of season two.





	Coming Together

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

~Justin~  
I really need to see Brian. My mom keeps treating me like I’m about to break, and it’s driving me crazy. I’m okay, sort of. I mean I still have these nightmares and I can’t use my hand, but I’m not some baby. That’s why I need to see Brian. He’s not going to get all touchy-feely. I never thought I’d see the day here I would appreciate his no nonsense attitude, but I could use a dose of reality right now. I’m still a little frustrated with him for not coming to see me when I was in the hospital. He said he didn’t come because there was nothing he could have done, but I think that there is more to it. Nothing is ever simple with Brian. I guess I shouldn’t complain too much since he’s been pretty nice. I was kind of surprised when he came over to the house last week to throw the ball around. That’s not like him, but he’s making up for that moment of weakness, since he hasn’t been by or even called all week. Things really are getting back to normal, cause here I am chasing after him again. Oh well, it doesn’t matter. I’ll be happy as long as we’re together. I know it sounds silly, but I’m a little scared to go over there. I keep thinking that Chris Hobbs will open the door. I tell myself that it’s just a dream, but I just can’t shake the feeling. I’m going to have to deal with it because I’ve already come this far, and I made it without freaking out, although I came close about five times. No more stalling, it’s time to cross the street.

 

~Brian~  
Shit! Damn that bitch! Didn’t she know that Justin would come looking for me? Thanks to her little edict I had to slam the fucking door in his face. I bet it hurt him. She won’t care. It will just be more proof of how I’m an uncaring asshole. This whole thing isn’t about what’s best for Justin, it’s about what she wants. I didn’t want to be so cruel, but I really didn’t have a choice. It was the only way I could get through it. If I had tried to let him down gently I would have cracked, and I can’t afford to do that. Shit, when he showed up at the door I wanted to take him in my arms and just keep him there, but I couldn’t. Instead I had to put on my mask of indifference and feign annoyance at his presence. It’s a skill I have perfected over my life, but lately it has gotten harder. That could be the last time I ever see Justin. He’ll go through life not knowing I care, and all I’ll be left with are bitter memories and a blood soaked scarf. For almost thirty years I kept myself safe from getting hurt by not believing in love. Then he came a long, and in one night my whole life changed. Now it feels like someone ripped out my heart and stomped on it. Maybe I was right in the first place. I can’t even close my eyes, because when I do all I see is the hurt look on Justin’s face when I shut the door.

 

~Justin~  
What is going on? Why did he do that to me? I haven’t seen him look that mean in along time. Probably not since the time he was robbed. Did I do something to piss him off? I thought everything was going so well. I mean look at what had happened. First he brought me over to the loft and really opened up to me. He has never been good at that, so it mean a lot. Then a few days later he came over to the house. I actually thought that things were going to be different. I was partially right. Things are different, just not in the way I wanted them to be. It doesn’t make any sense. After he talked to my mom he just left and. . . wait. Things are starting to fall into place. Would she do that? Would she forbid him from seeing me? Yes she would. She tries to hide it sometimes, but she hates Brian. She would like to blame everything on him, but it’s not Brian’s fault. Chris had it in for me all year. He probably was planning to do it all along. Why else would he bring a baseball bat to the prom? I didn’t know that Brian was coming, so he sure as hell couldn’t have. Why can’t she see that? Why can’t anyone? Fuck! What am I going to do? If I try to see him he’ll just push me away again. Shit, shit, shit. My life is fucking over. I’ve lost everything now. Chris should have just killed me. It would have been better that way.

 

~Brian~  
First she says to go away. Now she says to take her son. This Jennifer has a lot of nerve. She still doesn’t want me to see him, I have to give her points for honesty, but if t helps Justin she knows she doesn’t have a choice. I was pissed when I saw her. She could have called first. It’s a little bit comforting to know I made her uncomfortable. She deserved it. When she asked if I knew what it was like to watch helplessly, I was ready to scream. I know a lot better than she does. I’m the one who watched Justin get hit. I’m the one who held his limp body until the ambulance arrived, and I watched him every night through the glass. So yeah, I know how it feels to be helpless. But now he’ll be mine. I’ll be able to take care f him. I just don’t know how I’ll explain this to him. Justin will want to know why I’m having him stay with me. I can’t tell him the truth, not at first anyway. This isn’t going to be easy, but I need him. I need him as much as he needs me, maybe more. Tomorrow he will be beside me, and maybe I will be able to breathe again.

 

~Justin~  
I’m really not sure what is going on. This morning Mom knocked on my door. I ignored her because I was still pissed, but she came in anyway and told me to get some things together because I was going to be staying with Brian. That’s about the last thing I expected to hear, especially from her, but she was serious because a little while later there he was. I am so excited about being here with Brian, but I am a little, okay a lot, scared too. It’s kind of weird considering this is all I’ve wanted for about a year. Now I feel like such a fucking coward because I actually have to work up the courage to go out there and get into bed. I’ve been stalling for too long already. I know I shouldn’t be nervous, but I can’t help it. Is this how it’s going to be from now on? Everything has been turned upside down. My life is a fucking mess. I don’t know if I can handle it. How will I get through? One day at a time I guess, and I should start by going out there and getting into bed.

 

~Brian~  
I’ve really fucked up this time. I should have waited before I even tried to initiate sex. I knew that Justin has trouble being touched. I just hoped that it didn’t apply to me. He was so nervous when he climbed into bed. He wasn't even that scared the first time. That should have been a clue that he couldn’t handle it. I pushed too hard. God, he is so different, I hardly recognize him. He was always so lively, so brave. Now he’s scared and shy. He hardly ever smiles. I miss that. I tried to comfort him, to tell him that it was all right, but he wouldn’t listen. He just sat there miserably. I had to get out of the house for him and for me. He wouldn’t be able to sleep if I was there. He would be too tense. And I need to sort some things out. I can’t help him, not on my own, so I need to find some one who can give me some advice. That’s a new one, Brain Kinney asking for advice, but I’ll do whatever it takes to bring Justin back. I think I know just the person who can help.

 

~Justin~  
I think I’m going to be sick. I promised myself that I wouldn’t freak out, but I did anyway. Shit! Everything just keeps getting worse. I tried, I really did, but I just couldn’t do it. I felt nothing except revulsion. It doesn’t make sense. I’ve always loved being with Brian before. Now he’s gone. He didn’t say where he was going, but I can guess, to pick up some guy. I’m no good to him, so he’ll find someone who is. I’m just damaged goods now. I can’t stay here. I need to get away. Maybe Debbie will take me back, but maybe she won't want me now either since I’m such an emotional wreck. I wish I could leave Pittsburgh entirely and start a new life somewhere where no one knows me. I’m too tired to think about it right now. I can hardly keep my eyes open. So I guess I’ll just sleep for now. I’ll think about it in the morning.

 

~Brian~  
I knew there was a reason I never see a therapist. That guy is insane. He wants me to make Justin relive the pain. I’m trying to help him, not hurt him more. But there’s nothing else I can do. I’ll have to defer to Mark’s professional experience. He is one of the few people outside my small circle of friends that I can deal with in situation outside the bedroom, and he’s not to bad there either, although he’s had his chance, so he can forget about any trades. Besides, there’s only one person I want right now, and that’s Justin. When I got back to the loft he was already asleep. I was glad, because that spared me any awkwardness, and besides, he needs it. He had the covers pulled tightly around him like he was cold, and he looked so pale and still. It was hard to believe that he was still alive. I had to carefully watch his breathing to convince myself he was. Now even though we are in the same bed it feels like we have never been farther apart. I hope I can change that. Tomorrow will be busy. I’ll have to call Daphne. She will help me recreate the prom.

 

~Justin~  
Brian surprises me sometimes. Every time I think I understand him, he does something to show me just how wrong I am. Take last night for example, I thought he was going out to pick up some trick, but he went to talk to some psychiatrist he knows. This morning he told me all about it, how the guy told him that I need to try and remember the prom. Then he called Daphne, and she came over to lend a hand. I still can’t believe that he kissed me in front of anyone. I tried so hard to remember, but I couldn’t. It was all black. That song was pretty corny, but I guess it was kind of romantic. I wish I could remember the look on everyone's faces. It really was a grand “fuck you” to St. James, but the school said “Fuck you” right back at me. I bet a lot of them think that Chris is a hero for what he did. I’m glad that I’ll never have to see them again. Later that evening, Brian took me to the parking garage. It wasn’t familiar at all, but I kept thinking that Chris Hobbs was going to come out from the shadows. Then Brian surprised me again. He was telling me what happened, and then he said, “You smiled, then I knew why Debbie calls you Sunshine.” I almost collapsed. That’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard. He looked really beat up when I couldn’t remember anything. I wanted to hug him, but I couldn’t make myself. Instead I just held onto the front of his shirt.

 

~Brian~  
Well that was an exercise in futility. The next time I see Mark I’ll have to tell him that he is incredibly full of shit. Justin couldn’t remember a thing. I could have said anything, and he wouldn’t have known the difference. As for reliving the pain, the only one doing that I me, and it doesn’t get easier. It hurts as much now as it did the first time. It was my fault, I should have been able to protect him. I should have done something, anything. I don’t know what else to do. I’m at the end of my robe. I want to help him, but everything I try backfires. I’m about ready to give up. Tomorrow is Gus’s birthday. Maybe going to the party, and seeing all the people who support him will help. On the other hand, maybe it will be too much for him. We’ll have to make an appearance or Lindsey will have my ass in a sling. Tomorrow's a big day. It’s my sonny boy’s first birthday, and it’s the anniversary of the birth of something else too.

 

~Justin~  
I really don’t want to go to this party, but I don’t think I have a choice. Brian has been talking about how good it will be for me to get out of the house a little. He says that summer is almost over and I should take advantage of it. I wouldn’t know if it was winter. That’s how cold I feel all the time. Lindsey called to make sure I was coming. She has this way of getting you to agree to do something without you realizing it. She said that Gus adores me, that I’m his favorite babysitter, etc. Finally I gave in. Mostly because I was starting to get a headache, and I knew I was fighting a losing battle anyway. I had hoped to draw a portrait of Gus for his birthday, but now that’s a laugh. I’ll probably never draw anything again. It’s so hard. I feel like my heads going to explode. I don’t know how I’ll manage if my hand doesn't get better. Well, it’s about time to go. I better deal with it. I hope no one tries to get too close, I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it. I hope I can get through this day.

 

~Brian~  
I am so stupid sometimes. I thought I could protect him, but I can’t. I couldn’t stop the pain he was feeling. At first I thought things would be all right at the party. I made sure that we sat away from everyone, and I sat in front of Justin to block anyone who came to close. But it wasn’t enough. I could strangle whomever it was that gave Gus a baseball bat, although I know that they weren’t thinking about it like that. I didn’t even think about it at first. Then I turned around and saw him flinch. He took a step away, and suddenly I realized what was happening. I quickly took hold of him, and I thought he would push me away, but he didn’t. He held on tightly, like he was struggling to hold onto life. Then he sort of went limp, and let all his weight fall on me. I looked at him and he was ghostly pale. It scared me, because I’ve only seen him look like that once before. I’m sure he remembered something, you could see the pain in his eyes. I asked him if he wanted to go home, and he just nodded his head. We went down the steps, and he was clinging on to my arm the whole time. I stopped to tell Lindsey that we were leaving, and Melanie was about to give me some shit when she saw Justin’s face. Then she just thanked us for coming and said that she would tell the others. Justin was silent the whole ride back, and he wouldn’t look at me. It wasn’t until we were waiting for the elevator that he began to cry. He didn’t make a sound, but you could see them staining his cheeks. He barley managed to stumble to the bed and take off his shoes and pants before he collapsed. I brought the covers over him, and then waited, unsure of what to do next. He had his face hidden in the pillow, and I could hear a few muffled sobs. I asked him if he wanted to talk, or if I could get him anything but he said no. He just wanted to sleep. He has been asleep for hours. I thought about waking him up to have some dinner but decided against it. I should go to sleep now; it’s better than staying up and going over everything again and again. Let me just turn off the lights. I don’t know what I’ll say to him in the morning.

 

~Justin~  
Oh God, that was the most incredible thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. This day has been a lot better than I thought, even with it’s little problems. I don’t know why, but when I saw Gus with that bat it all flooded back to me. Brian tried to save me, I knew it wasn’t his fault and that just confirms things. He is always trying to protect me. He took me home and didn’t ask any questions, which is just what I needed. When I woke up it was dark, and I saw him come into the room. He froze, and then came over. I was surprised when he said that I had freaked him out. I guess I never thought about how this has affected him. Then I kissed him, and it felt so good. I’ve missed him kiss. I had my hand on his shoulder, and I could feel something there. It was the scarf he wore to the prom. I couldn’t believe it. Brian doesn’t do things like that, yet I had the proof in my hands. That’s when I realized that he hadn’t forgotten about me when I was in the hospital. He probably just had to deal with it in his own way. When I saw that scarf I knew that I could completely trust Brian, and I wanted him badly. He hesitated when I told him, and when I asked him to take it easy he said “like the first time.” I never expected him to remember that, but he does. This night means as much to him as it does to me. I can’t count the number of times that Brian and I have fucked, but it was never like this. Now I really know what it means to make love. He was so tender and gentle. I couldn’t get enough of his lips, and it felt like there were electric currents shooting through my body each time he kissed my back or neck. It was just amazing. I could die happy now, but I’m beginning to think that it’s worth sticking around after all. Now, he is still holding me close and I can hear his calm steady heartbeat soothing me to sleep.

 

~Brian~  
He’s asleep now. My angel, my sunshine. He no longer looks ghostly. He is radiant. I’ve never seen anyone half as beautiful as him, and I’ve never seen him look so beautiful. I know I don’t deserve this happiness, but I am eternally grateful for it. I wonder if I will ever be able to tell him how I feel. Maybe I never will be able to say it. Somehow I think he knows anyway.


End file.
